I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
