at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
