Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
