we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
