I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
