Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
