I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A+ Viking dick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
