he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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