Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
