apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
