Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
