Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
