I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
