my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
