We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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