Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
