when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
