apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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