dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
