You work out of a Hotel?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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