well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
