i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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