With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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