Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
