life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
