Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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