well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
