he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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