The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
