Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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