I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
