I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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