guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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