He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
