Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
