Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
