just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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