My first STD was from a foam party
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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