Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
