When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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