you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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