get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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