Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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