so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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