Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
