you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
