The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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