I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
