And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
