if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
