i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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