just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
